Thom Rainer, CEO of LifeWay Christian Resources, wrote an interesting blog recently on things people actually have said (but should not say) to their pastors. It included such statements as:
Children have a wonderful fascination with Christmas. One Sunday during Christmas, the preschool choir at our church presented a short musical program.
When I was 3 years old, the church where my father was pastor was preparing for its annual Christmas musical. Since Dad was the pastor, and Mom worked with the music, they usually let me stay in the worship center while they rehearsed.
One Sunday night a church member eagerly showed me a photograph he had taken on his digital camera of our church sign. I read it and said, "So? It says, 'Celebrate Christmas with us.'"
Baptists are not very liturgical. Many Baptists reading the previous sentence have no idea what I just said, so let me explain. (Catholic, Lutheran, Episcopalian, Presbyterian and most Methodist readers may want to skip over the next paragraph).
Cal and Rose Samra tell how Thanksgiving Day was approaching, and a family received a Thanksgiving card with a painting of a Pilgrim family on their way to church.
One Thanksgiving when I lived in Mississippi, I was feeling especially thankful. God was blessing my church and my family.
You've heard of the movie, "Snakes on a Plane." In Appalachia, some people put snakes in a casket.
Recently a lady in my church was talking to a little girl about heaven. She described how we would spend every day in worship. The little girl looked up in astonishment and asked, "You mean we don't get no free time?"
A pastor in Mississippi was performing a wedding ceremony, when he suddenly realized that he had forgotten the bride's name. What could he do? He couldn't say, "Hey, pretty lady, do you take this handsome man?" If he whispered to the groom and asked for the bride's name, everybody would hear it on his lapel mike, anyway. So he just blurted it out, asking the bride in an apologetic voice, "What's your name?"
A Methodist pastor in Dalton asked if he could borrow the baptismal pool at the Baptist church for a baptism by immersion. While Methodists commonly baptize by sprinkling, they also may immerse, and this Methodist pastor had a couple who had trusted Christ and wanted to go all the way under.
"Hey honey, I'm going to Texas," said a man to his wife one Friday night. "Carl here knows where there's a preacher stuck on the side of the road. We're going to get him."
"The Wittenburg Door" has gathered a strange collection of classified ads for religious products that can take some weird turns.
What would your ushers do if they picked up the offering plates and found them stuck together?
Denominations are often the subject of church humor. For example, it was reported that it was so dry one summer in Sumter, S.C., that the Baptists were starting to baptize by sprinkling, Methodists were using wet-wipes, Presbyterians were giving out rain-checks, and Catholics were praying for the wine to change back to water.
A pastor was called to be guest preacher at a church. He knew this church was different when the congregation ended every line of the hymn with the shout of "yeehah!"
My father served the U.S. Army as a chaplain, so I grew up an Army brat AND a preacher's kid - double trouble!
Five-year-old little Johnny attended his first football game with his father.
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